On Pooping in the Woods, and Other Grown Ass Activities

Three of the Grown Ass Authors who contribute to this blog, as well as the women in our lives and some more friends took a trip to the woods this weekend. We return well-rested, well-fed, and chock-full of nuggets of grown ass wisdom to impart to you, dear readers.

Camping is a time-honored tradition of Grown Ass Manhood, and with good reason. Scarcely else can one find more of a grown ass man's interests and favorite activities all in one weekend... existing shirtlessly, playing with fire, hiking, drinking beer, throwing hatchets, grilling meats, trying to grill every other food item, connecting to nature, refusing sunblock, overusing bugspray, not changing your clothes, sleeping outside, whittling or otherwise playing with knives, road trips, and finally, not using the bathroom.

Unfortunately, as is the case with just about every awesome thing, modern marketing and consumerism are overselling and underestimating Adult Males with regards to camping equipment and provisions, potentially preventing them from asserting their Grown Ass Manhood all over the woods.

Here's a few things I saw in the camping aisle at Walmart:

• Camping Toilet - This is literally a toilet seat (with lid!) that rests on four short legs. So, you know, you can pretend you're civilized while you poop onto the ground or into a hole. Are we really at the point in human history that we need to bring toilets with us on camping trips? Humans are anatomically capable of relatively comfortably squatting for evacuation. If you don't really wanna poop in the woods, bring an RV with you, or go back to town and find a nice Dollar General to business in.
• Screened-In Gazebo - Four screened walls and a tarp roof. Is it still camping if you manage to avoid sun, rain, and bugs? The package should have read, "Sit on your porch... in the woods!"
• Camping Dishes - Plates, Mugs, Cups, Tumblers, Pots, Pans, Griddles, Utensils, Coffee Makers, Bowls, etc. I'm sorry, but I don't know a person alive that doesn't already own all of these things without having "Coleman" written on every item. And even if they didn't, two words can fulfill almost every single one of these duties: Aluminum Foil.

The more Adult Males let megamarts tell them what to bring camping, the more their campsites will resemble their college dormrooms--before you know it, campsites will offer DSL and Cable next to their electrical outlets and water pumps.

What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen while camping or in a camping store/aisle?