Pooping in a public restroom can be either the best or worst part of a Grown Ass Man's day.
There are, as caricatured by George Castanza, Grown Ass Men who know of and frequent the fancier and more accommodating P.R.'s, while avoiding the dingy, nasty, poopy ones.
A few factors weighed in a grown ass man's restroom rubric:
Overall Aroma
Overall Cleanliness
Throne Height
Ambient Noise - both for comfort and coverup.
Temperature
Towels vs. Airdryer (Or the rare treat: Dyson Airblade)
Width of T.P.
These are quite standard qualities hoped for in a P.R., but there is another pooping preference among grown ass men: seat color.
You see, discussions of public pooping places raises an important distinction between Grown Ass Men and Adult Males...
When provided, both Grown Ass Men and Adult Males will utilize the "ass-gaskets" (that single-use, tissue paper barrier). When not provided, however, a Grown Ass Man will NOT fashion his own!
There are typically two basic presuppositions underlying this truth. First, building your own glutes-guard from 3" strips of rough rags wastes entirely too much time. Second, grown ass men subconsciously object to wasting T.P. While an Adult Male has no qualms with wadding up handful after handful, a Grown Ass Man will, without even thinking, fold and refold several times before flushing.
So, back to seat color preference. Given the Grown Ass Man's aversion to building his own butt barrier, color factors into bare-backing the bowl. While no one here at the GrownAssBlog is feigning unanimity, every Grown Ass Man does indeed have a preference.
So, the quandary:
Do you prefer the white seat, so you can see what you're about to get yourself into?
Or do you prefer the black seat, maintaining that ignorance is bliss?
I, for one, prefer black. Whenever presented with a white seat, I find myself studying it at length, and I just don't need that extra stress in my life.
6 comments:
I definitely prefer to leave it a mystery. The white toilet seat always has you second guessing the seat. Is that a stain on the seat? Is that a little piece missing from the seat or is that poop? I think good practice is a quick wipe over with a dry piece of TP and sit down and do your business, hoping that your junk doesn't touch the opening at the front part of the seat.
I feel as if when the seat is black, it is commonly shaped more comfortably. Or maybe it is the comfort of ignorance...
This grown ass man personally prefers the white seat in a P.R.
Why, you may ask, with all of the questions that are raised.
And to that, this G.A.M. feels that sometimes, you've got to live life dangerously.
Yes you may wonder if that is a chip in the seat, or if it is feces, but there is one thing you can be sure of. A grown ass man should know his surroundings, especially those around his rear end.
I believe ambient noise should not be a factor for a true grown ass man. A grown ass man should be able to go in there no matter how crowded the bathroom may be and let one rip. I will even go a step further and drop an atomic bomb (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=atomic%20bomb) if the situation calls for one.
I have objections to the statement that "a Grown Ass Man will NOT fashion his own"
they are as follows:
1. A G. A. M. should NEVER pass up an opportunity to build something -- guiding a toilet seat to perfection is an art form that both increases comfort and eliminates the need to wonder about whether or not that "chip" in the seat is actually feces.
White or Brown toilet seat? who cares! I'm sitting on a cloud dropping thunderbolts.
2. In the car world. there is nothing more manly than building your own gasket. why? because gaskets are cheap as hell, but its even cheaper as hell to make your own. and again... this is an art form. Grown Ass Men make gaskets
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