Filled with Grown Ass Giddyness

Thanks to my Grown Ass Friend, Patrick Ryan, for passing this our way! A magical wonderland of grown ass proportions... a place for running, jumping, flipping, playing. A Parkour Playground.

This brings up an interesting yet previously unmentioned grown ass axiom: A Grown Ass Man is a kid at heart. The only difference between grown ass little kid me and the me I am today is about 20 years of exhilarating, terrifying, near-death experiences.

As you know, grown ass little kids have no sense of danger. Climb a tree and attempt to backflip out of it, you say? Dizzy up both a cat and yourself and try to wrestle it, you say? Speaking of wrestling... Pretend your upper bunk is the top turn-buckle, your brother laying on the floor is the Ultimate Warrior, and your elbow belongs to the Macho Man, you say? A Grown Ass Little Kid has done all of these many, many times.

Grown Ass Little Kids are not to be confused with Children, mind you... Children look both ways before crossing the street. Children do dumb things like "walk". Children don't trade bodily punishment for candy or eat potentially poisonous lunch bombs for money. (Most likely to buy candy)

Children, and unfortunately Grown Ass Little Kids who lose their way, grow up to become Adult Males. They are behaviorally conditioned to do things in a safe, civilized, politically correct way.

Here's a few scenarios, and the respective ways an Adult Male and a Grown Ass Man would handle them:

It's Fall again, and you're up on your roof cleaning your gutters. You forgot your gloves, and the leaves look pretty gunky and slimy. 

Adult Male securely grips the ladder with both hands and descends, one rung at a time, to the ground where he retrieves his gloves.

Grown Ass Man cannonballs from the roof into his pool, and then retrieves his gloves.

You witness an armed robbery on the street from about 20 yards away.


Adult Male calls the Police, and stays put in case they need a statement when they arrive.

Grown Ass Man calls the Police, and stays put in case they need a statement when they arrive, and while waiting day-dreams of confronting the attacker who dashes down an alley, quickly scaling a pad-locked chain link fence, zig-zagging around dumpsters, climbing a fire escape and jumping from rooftop to rooftop until he slips, is hanging from the ledge and the G.A.M. helps his back up to safety, and hands him off to the police so he can break the fourth wall to make some hilarious comment and then make out with the mugging victim.

You are leaving the grocery store.


Adult Male walks carefully back to his car in the straightest possible path, avoiding eye contact with fellow pedestrians and staying away from the cars.

Grown Ass Man rides his cart over toward the cars and jumps off onto the first in a series of cement parking blocks, which he runs along, in series, as fast as he can without touching the ground, usually throwing in a 360 or two. The woman in his life rolls her eyes and fetches the runaway cart before it dings a Land Rover.

There's a lesson or two, here, I think:

1. Don't let your Grown Ass Little Kids grow up to become Adult Males.
2. Park your Land Rover really far away from the grocery store.

Hit us up with the craziest things you've done as a Grown Ass Little Kid, or as a Grown Ass Man!