Reader Submitted: The Glories of Co-Rec Softball

Today we have a special treat, this is a reader submitted post. This dedicated follower of the Grown Ass Blog has donated his literary skills to provide us with a glimpse into his co-rec softball experiences. Remember, these are reflections of a Grown Ass Man. The man he refers to, and is the point of much of his musings, would be considered an Adult Male. If you would like to have your material posted to the blog just submit your writings to grownassbloggers@gmail.com. We would be more than happy to review it and post it up. Enjoy!

We had our first co-rec softball game last night. We played about as well as the weather was, but that is not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about super arm band guy.

Super arm band guy probably was on his high school baseball team, but rarely played. He always talks about the guy he was playing behind that played minor league baseball, and how that could have been him if he would have just gotten his shot. So now, he brings all that talent to a co-ed recreational softball league in Downers Grove. He has a jersey with his name on it and at least 5-10 armbands. 'Sliding pants - check. Matching sliding socks - check. Color-coordinated in red, white, and blue from head to toe - check. Not sure if he was feeling extra patriotic this week, or if he feels that is his teams colors. Oh - and his hairline is definitely fading fast.

As a player, he is good but not great. where he truly shines is as an over-competitive snobery. As he scored to make the game 10-2, he yelled out, "the blow out is ON!" Just to remind you he did not just score the winning run in the state championship but the 10th run in the first co-rec softball game of the year against a team who had not practiced.

After he made a snide comment from third base because one of our girls did not understand an esoteric rule of co-rec softball, and because I was cold and grumpy anyway, I decided I should just sit the rest of the game and devote all of my energy to making snide comments about this guy. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Some highlights:

• After he sarcastically said to one of our girls, "I don't know, it happens every time we go through the line-up", my retort was, "I don't know, it happens every time that DB is coaching third base".
• Since he pitched right-handed but batted left, Rob asked if he was a switch hitter. to which I responded, "oh, he definitely is". Rob responded, 'I don't know how to take that". To which I responded, "oh, our pitcher is right-handed, so that is why he is batting left but a guy with that many arm bands definitely has so much skill that he would switch around and bat right-handed if we had a left-handed pitcher".
• The highlight of his athletic feats was when he just out ran the rest of his body and slipped as he was rounding second, and gracefully fell to the ground.

I'm not one to kick somebody when they are down, so I have no comment for this one, but I definitely appreciated the karma for his talk to our ladies.

You may ask yourself, who has the bigger issue? The over-competitive softball guy or the grumpy old man in the dug out bitterly making fun of him. That, my friends, is the beauty of co-rec softball.